Not A Blog Page

If you are reading this, then you are either a friend, a family member, or just someone who has stumbled upon my page by using a keyword/tag in a search on the world-wide web. I don’t really consider myself a blogger. I don’t have the time as an Engineer in training to post more than a few boring paragraphs about what is going on in my life or something that is gnawing at me enough to cause me to regurgitate and spit out my thoughts in typed form.

It is just about a few weeks past the one year anniversary of my baby brother’s passing. I am just now beginning to accept and confront the reality of death but now find myself heavy with worry and a feeling of helplessness about the inevitable truth. A familiar truth that I may outlive another family member. How could I survive such a tremendous loss? How does one find the strength to pull themselves up from such depths of despair, a rayless pit of gloom? I believe we survive because it is in our good nature and spirit to look for the light. It is unnatural to allow such a disposition to swallow you up and take your last breath out of you.

I am human, I am life, and I am death. I am hope, I am helplessness, and I am hopelessness. I am my family, I am alive, and I am my brother.

CryptIntel

Soft Rock and Love Ballad Favorites

Soft Rock and Love Ballad Favorites

A list of soft rock and love ballad tunes … enjoy!

Mi Alma

Come Undone
My soul, my hurt, my pain, why do you leave my spirit in such depths of despair? Why do you want, and why do you need? I become wiser and only feel void, I cry tears in silence and feel a need to crawl in my own anguish. Why? Life can crush you and spit you out, people can show you love and beauty and people can rip your heart out and leave you feeling so cold and alone. Tonight I welcome sleep, for tomorrow I will see the bright sun lighting up the sky.

CryptIntel …

Technology Fasting

A couple of days ago I decided to commit myself to a technology diet. This came to mind while I was driving to a doctor’s appointment and I realized how calming and refreshing the silence was. I’d been irritated by what a conservative talk show host was broadcasting and while appreciative that I could just ‘shut him off’ by changing the radio frequency, decided to listen to silence.

So, I am driving and it’s cold outside. I notice that I have a slight headache, something I probably wouldn’t have realized by renting out my mind to this irritating talk show host who dispels negative stereotypes about the less fortunate. As Neil Peart would put it, my mind is not for rent. Neil Peart, the legendary drummer from my favorite childhood rock band, RUSH. Neil Peart continues to inspire me to this day with his creative and sometimes prophetic or even historical songwriting. Neil Peart is a genius, a revolutionary, he is a philosopher and poet.

Technological fasting came to mind while I discovered in my silence, my surroundings. While I listened to the wind outside howling and screeching past me, my Ford Explorer Sport Track cut into the air forming an air tunnel, my earthly time-capsule was taking me from home towards Boston. Milton is where I would arrive, my final destination in about an hour, travelling at 70-75mph. When I was a little girl, I used to run away from noise. I think back now that I am older and realize that I was probably an odd child in comparison to the other kids on my block. The silence was like a magnet, it would draw me into it. Once I discovered the silence I would wrap it around me like a blanket and let my imagination take me into this magical world of intrigue and wonder about the world around me, this mystical world with so much to learn and discover.

If I’m lucky, maybe I can tap into some of that magic and wonder. My inner child is waiting for me to rediscover her.

End of Chaotic Semester

Whatever by Max Melvin

Labs, Projects, Quizzes, Homework, Exams and not enough time to do it all … enough to drive you insane.  I’m still sane, but after being pushed to the brink of insanity and then brought to an abrupt halt all of a sudden on the last day; well let’s just say I’m strung out, wired, and an emotional wreck.

Right now would be a good time to cry.